The Beginning

Where I am now didn’t just begin last year, this has been some time and many mistakes in the making. People really only see what the culmination of many many months of work is, but they never really see what it took to get there. I am not a 3 month transformation. I am a 37 year transformation where I am finally in a place that I am healthier upstairs than anywhere else. My 39lbs loss in weight is where it is because I finally changed my view and became more comfortable with myself and stopped demonizing food any longer. There is still a ways to go to get there but past indiscretions will be making this journey a tad bit longer. That is one major idea people need to come to terms with. Maybe its my age, maybe it’s my fiance’s patience that has bled into me. Either way, I am on the path of change internally and externally.

I was a fat boy growing up with some health issues. I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and anemic. The almighty trifecta. I couldn’t help it, I loved to eat. I loved to eat my feelings away cause I wasn’t really comfortable in my own skin. Being hispanic, you were constantly being given food as that is a display of being healthy and strong but the second you start to gain weight, “what’s happening to you ?” is the common question next to the bold statement of “you’re getting fat, you look like an ox”. Damn, writing that now brings me back to being that little kid who his grandmother would tell that to so often. What a way to build someone’s confidence. After many years of playing the game of “how much can you eat?” I became a professional. I could easily pound down a box of donuts with a whole cheesecake from Entenmann’s like food had just become available after a famine. The combination of always being told that I am fat coupled with only wanting to be by myself and eating all the feelings of shame really took its toll. Fast forward to 17 and a past friend tells me that a gym is opening up and we should go. In my head, my friend is muscular and jacked, “Shit, I wanna look like that!” Within the first three months of crippling soreness and difficulties doing any simple task, I had managed to lose 30lbs. Man, that feeling of finally hearing “you look great Jeff” really had me feeling awesome but still inside I was that fat, insecure little boy.  After about a month of getting nothing but compliments and looks from women, I decided to hit the nuclear button and go ape shit on food as I was craving it like a madman. From there began the vicious cycle of eat, gain weight, feel like shit, lose weight, repeat. This was something that was battled for many years up until the age of 26. That was when I had gone back to school to get my degree in something I had grown to love, nutrition. I had met a friend who wound up being like a sister to me after all these years. I’m in Biology class and wondering “why is this chick constantly running out to drink from a sports bottle?” It wound up being that she was drinking protein shakes and losing weight to compete in her first ever bodybuilding competition. By that point I was a workout junky as my main solace came from lifting weights. She had invited me to train with her and meet her coach. During that session , he saw how serious I was about the lifestyle that he took me under his wing and I joined her journey into making it into that show. Needless to say, I wound up dropping about 70lbs and donned my first pair of speedos to step on stage in a meat market that I wound up with second place and a new lease on life. I had busted my ass for 11 months for this day that I wound up once again destroying that in the span of a couple weeks post show.

After a whopping 25lbs gain, I was back in the same position of being an insecure mess. I had once again ruined all the hard work that I had undergone. Shit happens was always my thought, now let me go get some more cake. Fast forward to 2012 and I decided to hire my second coach, Derek Charlebois. He had introduced me to Flexible Dieting and counting macros back when it was still in its infancy. Working with him I was able to learn moderation and wound up making it to the stage and looking WAY better than my previous try. Unfortunately, I got 4th place but damn did he help me to learn something that really shaped my outlook on how to lose weight. BUUUTTTT whats a story without some kind of obstacle right. Guess what happened after the show even after I vowed to not do it again. You guessed right, I ate all the negative shit going on in my life at the time. Back to square one and it was no ones fault but my own. DAMNIT, was the only word going through my head along with a load of F bombs. How the hell did I do this again? GRRR

Now let’s take about a 5 year jump into the future and I am in a position of thriving where I am going to therapy, have an extremely stable relationship with my now fiance and I am a much more confident person. She helped me to learn about a word that wasn’t in my vocabulary, balance, “what the hell is that?” Is what I would have said years ago. At that point I decided to put my money where my mouth is and hire William Grazione to help me drop some weight and it was the best decision I could’ve made. With him I was able to drop 39lbs all through eating responsibly and being held accountable. But the main thing that happened was that I no longer had to eat my feelings away. I was in the driver’s seat and reaping the rewards of change. I had also learned that helping people is what I was put on this earth for. I want to help someone change the way I did, internally and externally.  

To finally have that feeling of control over what I am eating is empowering. Gone were the days of throwing away a whole day of eating just because I decided to have an extra cookie, or some cookie butter or anything sweet that I desired at that moment. If I notice myself wanting to have a treat, I will incorporate it into my day or i just have it and continue with my day and eat normally and go about my business. I ask myself now “is this even worth it?” when it comes to eating a certain piece of food. Having an inclusive diet seriously helps the situation. With most of the media touting how you can lose some weight only eating a specific food, they are only cultivating more fear into what really gives you life. An exclusive diet doesn’t set you up for long term success.

You would think that there is some magic instance in my life that just suddenly made me stop overeating. Looking back at it now, what really helped was having a stable foundation at home and a better outlook of self. It sounds brutally cliche but having self love and self acceptance really goes a long way coupled with a strong support system. Change can only really happen when you want it and can surround yourself around the people who can push you towards it.

Before I was a slave to food to the point where I would tell people I would go out then when the time came and I knew I had to eat, I would flake out and stay home to be able to control what I put in my stomach. I missed out on a lot of potentially great times with friends and family. I’m here thinking that it’ll be fine, im sacrificing to get where I want to go. Then low and behold that monster always rears its head and just kicks my ass to the point where I scarf down anything in sight. Therefore, it all goes to hell, rinse and repeat. I am a really lucky person in that the people around me truly love me for me. They are beyond patient to deal with this side of me. I can proudly say that the people that have come into my life within the past 5 years ahem..Helen (need the brownie points guys!), Will Grazione, Manny Atiencias, my therapist Liz and several others have really helped shape me and my view on life and food.

My main goal right now is to return to the stage as a Masters Competitor in what originally drove my passion for lifting, bodybuilding. I’m 3 years away from reaching the milestone of 40 and dealing with all the aches and pains from the dumb stuff I did in my 20’s and 7 years removed from my last prep. I am putting in the work now that is necessary to finally get my metabolism in the position it needs to be to thrive. This has been a long process but it has been MY process and all along the way it has made me better for it. If I had someone when I was younger guide me properly, I might be in a different position. My years of learning from both the textbooks and in the trenches have formed me in to who I am today. That experience is what will allow me to set people on the right path to hitting their goal. I am here to show you that doing this process along with living your life, takes time. It’s a marathon and not a sprint. If you want to sustain this LIFESTYLE, you gotta be in it for the long haul. Think beyond the losing weight for right now and think about what you want to do AFTER you lose the weight. Mold this into your life and thrive to be a better person for yourself and your family.